Can you drink the cup that I drink? (Mark 10:38)

Can you drink the cup that I drink? (Mark 10:38)

By the conception of each life in the womb, God repeatedly says that He still loves the world. Lord in His abundant mercy and love, called us also to be in this wonderful world of parenthood. The moment we came to know that He has blessed us again with a child, we thrilled with joy and excitement. At the same time, we had several concerns. Would the previous incident happen again? We decided to have complete trust in God. During this time God spoke through my brother, “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37). In his letter, he added, “this Word of God has been given in connection with the conception of a child, John the Baptist. So, you too, believe in the message of the Angel, as Our Blessed Mother believed”.

The Angel Gabriel continued, “behold, your kinswoman Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For with God nothing will be impossible” (Luke 1:36-37). This was a great consolation for both of us and we started using frequently this scriptural passage in our prayers.

The first prenatal visit was over by the 8 week. There was an internal exam using the ultrasound. Everything was perfect. By this time, Mini was fighting with bad sinusitis. She was kind of reluctant to take any antibiotics, but there were a few that were safe in pregnancy. Somehow, her WBC count continued to be very high. This alarmed her PCP (primary care physician). He again insisted her to take another course of antibiotics. But it didn’t help her much. Mini continued her coughing and several other discomforts. On the ninth week we received a call from her OB (Obstetrician) asking us to schedule for an ultrasound. That was definitely an alarming call. They found that there is a small funneling in the cervix (opening of uterus). The OB is concerned about this issue and next ultrasound was scheduled after three weeks. After this exam, there wasn’t anything alarming they could figure out. After one week, Mini suffered severe back pain. Immediately she was rushed to OB’s office on April 17, and her cervix checked. Yes! Complete failure of the cervix. That means, the length of the cervix is drastically reduced. It cannot hold a baby anymore, no matter what its size. The average length of the cervix is 4.0 cm, and Mini had only one cm! OB has suggested for cerclage (stitch around the cervix in the form of a circle that prevents further dilatation).

Immediately she was admitted in the hospital and referred to a high-risk pregnancy specialist (Dr Day, Maternal Fetal Medicine). The specialist was off that day. We spent our entire day and night in prayers and tears. Dr Day came to our room early morning and gave us a detailed description of the procedure, and its merits and demerits. Her lecture did not give any consolation to us. She mostly talked about the failure of the cerclage and she encouraged us to think about several other options. According to her it is unusual to put cerclage at the week of 13. We have several weeks to go further. Even if she puts a cerclage, it can fail any time, in spite of complete bed rest for the entire term. Another sixth months to go for a healthy baby! Having realized that Mini does her research in Engineering, and that too, at School of Mines, one of America’s prestigious Institutions, Dr Day suggested her to give importance to her career.

Day plainly suggested us to terminate this pregnancy and start afresh again with a relatively new technique, the abdominal cerclage (make a C-section and put a band above the cervix, so that the weight of the growing fetus would rest upon the band, preventing dilatation of the cervix). The advantage of this method is that bed rest could be minimized, but C-section is necessary for taking out the baby each time. The administration of abdominal cerclage itself is a major surgery.

After putting her in the hospital, I rushed to home, sent prayer requests to Joynet, JYA, and many people, asking for urgent prayers. I remember that whosoever opened their inboxes that day, sent me replies, extending their prayer support. It took me hours to go through all the mails. I was amazed to see the love and concern you have for us. Thank you my dear Joynetters, for your great love!

We didn’t have to pray a lot to discern for God’s Will in this situation. We said to the doctor that we wouldn’t do that, and as ambassadors of life, we will do everything to preserve this baby. Immediately, a Scriptural passage was given to me. “And He told them a parable, to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor regarded man, and there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘vindicate me against my adversary’. For a while he refused; but afterward he said to himself, ‘though I neither fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will vindicate her, or she will wear me out by her continual coming’. And the Lord said, ‘hear what the unrighteous judge says, and will not God vindicate His elect, who cry to Him day and night? Will He delay long over them? I tell you, He will vindicate them speedily’” (Luke 18:1-8).

Finally she agreed to put the cerclage. Soon after Mini was taken to the procedure room, I pulled my “Rosary of the Unborn”, knelt, and raised my Rosary to Heaven and prayed:

“Celestial Queen, with this rosary, I bind all sinners and all nations to your Immaculate Heart”.

“Heavenly Father, in this time of world crisis, let all souls find their peace and security in Your Divine Will. Give each soul the grace to understand that Your Will is Holy Love in the present moment. Benevolent Father, illuminate each conscience to see the ways that he is not living in Your Will. Grant the world the grace to change and the time in which to do it. Amen”.

“Divine infant Jesus, as I pray this rosary, I ask you to remove from the heart of the world the desire to commit the sin of abortion. Remove the veil of deceit Satan has placed over hearts which portrays promiscuity as a freedom, and reveal it for what it is – slavery to sin. Place over the heart of the world a renewed respect for life at the moment of conception. Amen”.

I prayed with a heavy heart for an end to abortion - my all time favorite petition, and for all the carrying moms who have trouble in pregnancy, and for all the health care providers who fail to preserve life in the womb, and for all the parents who can’t love their unborn babies. Words are inadequate to express the great peace I enjoyed during that Rosary prayer. I saw the heaven opened, all the Angels and Saints present in that small room. Scent of roses emanated in the room. Copious amount of tears rolled my cheeks. I saw my Blessed Mother in a Heavenly brilliance; She embraced me. She wiped out every tear. It took an hour to finish that Rosary. In any of my personal prayers or during any retreat I was given such graces. When I was about to finish my Rosary, I received a call from my brother, Fr Sebastian, saying that he got a message from our Lord that there is nothing to be afraid, and he was quoting Isiah 41:10. He was praying with one of his parishioners. This man though do not know me or my wife, cried out, “Mini, do not be afraid, I am with you” my brother told me later.

When I finished the Rosary, Dr Day knocked the door and she told me that the procedure was a great success. Mini remained in the hospital for a week and later sent home, agreeing that she would visit her OB and Dr Day in alternate weeks for checking the stability of cervix by ultrasound. Thus, weekly ultrasound check for the stability of the cervix continued until the cerclage was removed at week 36. Mini took complete bed rest at home with her feet elevated and head down. She had only bathroom privilege. She had her food and fluids while lying down. It was so painful for me to see her in this condition. All these chores she did it so lovingly, I myself witnessed. In her, there was no anger, complaint, or depression. She believed that “Almighty has done great things in my life. Holy is His name” (Luke 1:35).

At home, we prayed without ceasing. We took the intercession of many popular saints. Offered several rosaries for the unborn, and for the poor souls in the purgatory. Mini’s greatest suffering was her inability to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. At any circumstance we both get the opportunity to celebrate Mass every day. As a sign that we give Jesus the first priority in our life, we get up very early in the morning, and rush to the Church, some times many hours before Mass. She prayed a lot for the Blessing of reception of the Eucharist in her bed every day. Immediately, Lord intervened in her life so miraculously. I became the extraordinary minister of the Eucharist in our parish, so that I can take Eucharist to her. Thanks a lot to Father Kevin Augustyn, our then Pastor of the Parish. This continued until the birth of our baby. What a grace, what a sublime gift God given to her. “Ask, and it will be given you” (Mathew 7:7). When we ask, and when our petitions are centered on the Eucharist, Lord once again proved that He will grant it immediately.

It is very important to pray for the babies to be born in advance, even before marriage. One should pray much for their unborn. It is scientifically proved that babies in the womb can hear and respond to the outside voices. The babies can recognize the voices that were made once they were in the womb. And these same voices, be it prayers, songs, or Psalms could be used for their developmental process, once they were born. With these in mind, we started praying 3 to 5 Psalms aloud throughout the pregnancy. The Psalms were 23, 34, 121, 127, 139. Further, we read aloud many of the Encyclicals of Pope John Paul II.

Our baby grew in listening to the Word of God. Our hospital stay was a quite experience. As there wasn’t any medication or procedure, we got much time to pray, without any disturbance. I doubt, is anybody got such a grace to spend the entire term in the womb, listening the Word of God. “We know that in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom He has called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

“It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail” (John 6:63). Every human being should be conceived in Spirit, not flesh. Even the thoughts, convictions, and imaginations of the parents at the moment of conception would affect the babies. This reminds all the married couples how prepared they should be in giving new life! Claim the Precious Blood of Jesus to the thoughts, imaginations, and convictions of the parents. All married couples are called to give birth to holy children.

Besides bed rest, pregnancy was fine for Mini until the 21 week. Her doctors did not expect this much progress and stability of the cervix. During the 21 week, on June 14, 2006, Mini suffered severe sharp back pain. She was not aware that it was pre-term labor. Examination of the cervix through ultrasound revealed one thing. Length of the cervix has reduced to less than a centimeter. On top of it, there is irregular contraction too. Delivery can happen any time. She was admitted in the hospital once again. Dr Day rushed to us and wept before us. She is an old lady, seems to be very strong. Having cooperated much by her patient, Dr Day somehow could not control herself. She said that she doesn’t want a baby delivered before week 28 as major birth defects may happen to babies delivered before 28 week. Such babies would present a life-long burden to the parents. Once again, she suggested, “pull out the stitch and just walk away, we would start again afresh”. Is it that simple to walk away? Mini said to her boldly, “God is the author of life. He knows what to do. There are no pains and sufferings greater than God. He will do everything for good. Let His Will be done”.

Dr Day extended every help from her side to save the baby. We took our refuge in the Immaculate Heart of Mary, the refuge of Holy Love, and Protectress of the Faith. Soon after the doctor left, the Holy Spirit gave me a Word of God. He asked me to use this Word. The Word was Wisdom 16:12. I laid my right hand to Mini’s tummy and prayed three times, “Lord it is neither herb or poultice cured them, but it is Your Word heals all people”. Immediately the contraction stopped and a peace filled both of our hearts. Mini repeated this Word over and over and slept in peace. Once again God taught me the Power of His Word.

After an hour or so, a team of doctors and nurse practitioners, including perinatologists, and the entire solace team visited us to console us. They thought that delivery would happen that night. The solace team wants to console us. The doctors explained to us that the baby couldn’t survive if it is born before the 24 week. A fetus becomes viable after the completion of 22 week of gestation. We believed that this baby is safe in her Father’s palm. As a confirmation, the next day, I received a beautiful gift from Lolinda and Mike, fellow parishioners, while I was adoring the Blessed Sacrament in Our Lady of Fatima Parish Adoration Chapel. The gift was the Word (Isiah 49:15) symbolized in a piece of bronze. It has the shape of a cross, in which a beautiful baby is carved on a palm. This hung in the hospital room for several months, as a reminder of God’s promise.

During this time something beautiful happened. Lord sent my good friend and prayer partner, Dr Mathew john to Denver. It was a grace-filled occasion for both of us. We used to get up very early in the morning and rush to the Adoration Chapel, where our Lord waited for us. During his 7 week stay with us was truly blessed. We used to intercede hours and hours. Actually he came to prepare for his USMLE, but Lord frequently, reminded him the Word Matthew 6:33. And Dr Mathew passed the exam with flying colors. His passion for intercession is so amazing. Thanks be to God! Still we continue our telephone intercession everyday, lasting from 30 min to an hour. I can say that we have lifted up each one of you, and especially the prayer requests come to Joynet and JYA. Recall that only we two of us taken this commitment with great zeal and love.

For the next three months, Exempla Lutheran Medical Center, Wheat Ridge, Colorado, was our home away from home. I have decorated the room beautifully with holy pictures all around the walls. These were gifts from our parishioners and friends visited us. There was a large image of the “Mary, Refuge of Holy Love”, and “United Hearts of Jesus and Mary”. Blessed Mother looked so beautiful in this image. This image is the culmination of all apparitions of the Blessed Mother during this century. It is the refuge of the Immaculate Heart of Mary spoken in Fatima. It is the promise of an era to come spoken of at Garabandal. The crown over Her Heart foretells the victory of the United Hearts and the triumph of the Church over evil. The cross on Her hand represents a dogma which is coming – Co-Redemptrix. She is pointing to Her Heart, calling humanity into this Refuge. This Refuge is Holy Love. When we live in Holy Love (that is love God above all else, and love our neighbor as ourselves), we imitate Our Lady’s Heart. This image was drawn by visionary Maureen on May 4, 1997, with Blessed Mother who actually took her hand and assisted her in drawing this image, in order to depict how She looks to the visionary, and to grant to the world a new source of grace (Please visit www.holylove.org to know more about Holy and Divine Love).

It was one of the ways we have used to propagate the messages of Holy and Divine Love. We never wasted a single opportunity to talk about God’s mercy and love to people who visited us. Brother Thomas Paul sent us many CDs of his retreats. Mini listened to a variety of retreats. Moreover, she read the complete Bible from Genesis to Revelation during her full term of pregnancy. Thanks be to God! This is a rare opportunity that is given to a few.

I would say that uterus is a Tabernacle. Every human being has a humble beginning from here. The Son of God has taken the flesh from the womb of Virgin Mary. We are called to be the guardian of this great mystery. My understanding and appreciation for the life in the womb has increased tremendously when I watched the documentary, “In the Womb” by the National Geographic. The incredible nine-month journey of development of a human being is embarked from the moment of conception in this beautiful DVD. I suggest every one to view this DVD and appreciate the developmental process of life in the womb.

I can lovingly say that these past 10 months was the most grace-filled time in my entire life. There were concerns for both of us that we were separated from our families. Although it was a period of intense suffering, my Mother’s presence at the foot of the cross gave me strength to embrace the cross. Yes! She will intercede for all those who seek strength in embracing their own crosses. The Adoration Chapel of our parish was a source of tremendous blessing for me. I spent hours and hours before the real presence of Jesus during the past several months. When I sat before Him, I forgot my hardships and trials, I prayed for people around me. Their trails and sufferings were definitely more intense than mine.

In the hospital, we had a peaceful life. We prayed much for the entire hospital staff and patients. We had several visitors from our Parish. We have a small Catholic Community here in Denver, comprising about 20 families. We are very strong in love and concern. We are so blessed to have a Dominican Keralite Priest who serves in a nearby parish as a Parochial Vicar. He celebrates Holy Mass for us once in every month. These 20 families took turn to bring food for us for our entire hospital stay. We were so amazed to see their love for us. See how miraculously God works in every aspect of our life.

The moment we surrendered all we have, Lord miraculously taken over all the aspects of our life, be it material or spiritual. We didn’t have any feeling that we were separated from our families, or the concerns about the birth of the baby. Several of my friends enquired me whether we have anybody to help us out, especially soon after baby’s arrival. How will you manage yourself in a foreign country, and many like queries? I said, Yes! We have appointed a helper. He does everything. He is constantly with us, and He knows what to do at the right time. “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, who will stay with you for ever” (John 14:16). This is the Word of God, and we know that the “Word of God has never failed” (Romans 9:6). Whatever is written in my Bible is for me, and I firmly believe that it will fulfill in my life. The promises of the Old Testament have been fulfilled in the New Testament and the promises of the New Testament should fulfill in each of our lives.

Weekly examination of the cervix continued, and the length of the cervix increased each time the cervix was examined during the following weeks. However, doctor didn’t give us any hope, as she insisted that there could be chance of pre-term labor. We didn’t have any concerns for this issue. We knew that our baby is safe in Her Father’s palm. Why worry? We trusted in His infinite mercy. When Mini was nearing the 28-week, doctors and nurses were amazed to witness it. For the first time, they said that it is a miracle. Yes! It was unusual for medical science. It is possible for God! Mini’s healthcare providers celebrated the completion of 28 week of pregnancy with much joy and happiness. Now the baby is out of danger, and even if delivery happens, with the advent of the facilities and technologies, we could expect a normal baby, without any birth defects. However, I got a message that the baby will complete full term. This message was given long back, and all the associated incidents led me to believe that “how can this be?” (Luke 1:34). I took refuge in the following Word, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you” (Luke 1:35).

The length of the cervix continued to increase further, and by 36 week, it became quite normal. Miraculously, there wasn’t any pre-term labor. On the 35 week, the doctors decided to sent her home, but continue to have bed rest for another week. Mini was off from bed rest from 36 weeks onwards, and the cerclage was removed this time. There was concern for doctors that delivery can happen any time once the stitch is taken off. This didn’t happen. Mini resumed her normal life, as nothing happened. There wasn’t much difficulty for her to walk, for this was a concern as she was completely bed-ridden for more than 6 months.

On the 39 week, labor has started during the middle of the night and she was rushed to the hospital, this time, with much joy and happiness. We reached the hospital at 1.30 am on Oct 11, 2006. Although Lord told me on September 21, that our baby will arrive on the feast day of a great saint, we were anticipating that she will born on Oct 1 (Feast o St Therese). If not, Oct 15, or 16. Mini’s due is on Oct 20, and there was no feast on this day. We were not aware of any feast day on Oct 11, until Jesus told me that our baby will known as Angela on Oct 11, morning, at 5.45 am. I did some googling and found that Oct 11 is the feast day of Blessed Angela, an American Blessed and virgin, lived in the last century, who work tirelessly for the uplift of street children. There is one more greatness about this day. The Church celebrates the feast of the Divine Maternity, or Divine Motherhood of Our Blessed Mother. Thus we gave our baby’s name as “Angela Maria”.

The delivery happened in a quiet manner, at 1:24 pm. Immediately I have consecrated Angela to the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary. She cried in a soft voice, and I was waiting to offer he first voice to Jesus. It is impossible to describe the joy and awe of that moment. All things leading up to this joyous event caused anguish. Long stay in the hospital and at home and separation from our families were certain concerns, but complete trust in God was a great source for strength. All these moments, I have meditated on the sorrows and anguish of Mary and Joseph had during the birth of infant Jesus. When our eyes beheld our infant’s countenance, so fresh from Heaven none of the trials and hardships we could remember.

We spent the entire labor time in Divine Praises, offered Rosaries, and prayers to the Precious Blood. The attending nurses and doctors, who knew well our story, said that it is really a miracle, something beyond their competency. And Mini’s total surrender to God and expectant faith, gave glory to God!

The next day we got discharged from the hospital, carrying a very beautiful baby. On the way to home we stopped at the Adoration Chapel, and presented Angela before the real presence of Jesus. He is the source of all life. “He came to the world that we might have life - life in its fullness” (John 10:10). We spent much time before Lord. Words are inadequate to express the peace and joy we felt in our hearts. Then onwards we celebrate Mass everyday, no matter what the weather is. Many (Whites) told us that had we taken our kids to the Church, they wouldn’t have left them.

My Dear Family, now you have heard about our story, about the cup we were drinking for the past one year or so. In your fervent prayers, especially with the Most Holy Rosary, I would ask that you reflect upon so great a God that He can answer all prayers. For it is through God all things are possible. I humbly suggest you to perfect your prayer lives and come to Him with expectant faith. He will always answer in His way, in His time. Praise be to Jesus!

Now I bow before all the mothers of the world who took that much pain to bring each one of us to the world. As Mary is the Mother of all people, let us pray in humility in honor of our earthly mother:

“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you, Blessed are you among women, and Blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death”. Amen